Monday, November 7, 2011

Sakit vs Mati


Dulu mase zaman sekolah, Nadia selalu tanye
"huda, have you ever wonder kalau kau mati, siape yang akan visit kubur kau??"
Everytime, I will answer
"Ntah. Tapi ramai kot, sebab aku rase macam I have a lot of friends"

Nadia akan diam and akan cakap
"So, maknenye kalau orang tak datang kubur kite tu, orang tu tak suke kite ke? Impossible la.."

Well back then it doesnt really matter to me. Mungkin terlalu muda untuk semua tu. Malas nak fikir banyak sangat. Tapi suddenly I got sick and I had to undego a surgery. To some people, it sounded like takde ape but for a person yang rasa sakit tu, hmm, tak tercakap. During those time I was in the hospital I can relate to Nadia's question back then, cume gantikan funeral dengan hospital je. Mati ganti dengan sakit walaupun sakit mcm nk mati. LOL.

Orang yang sakit dapat rase banyak ketenangan bila ada orang datang melawat. Even, sometimes bagi semangat dekat si pesakit. In my case, I had to thank all of my frens yang visit. To those yang call pun, tak taw camne nak cakap. It meant a lot dekat orang yang sakit rupenye bile someone cares.Kadang2 1000 orang melawat pun, tapi orang yang ditunggu2 tak muncul, terasa macam same je. Sedih ofcoz. In my case, I waited for someone to at least text. Haha mimpi jela. At this point, being sick tak jauh beza pun dengan being dead. I wish i died that day. Mum, dad, I'm sorry. I am such a fool to fall in love with this guy but i can't stop crying because of him. I cried so heart that my heart wanna burst. Oh God, please help me through. I cant live like this. Yes, if i were given a chance to choose, i would choose to be dead. I'm sorry but its too painful to live.