Saturday, July 31, 2010


Apalah mahumu kasih
kau pilih diriku di dalam hidupmu
nyatanya kulihat kini
tak bisa kau coba untuk setia

sudah cukuplah sudah
ku memberikan waktuku
kau selalu tak bisa
mencoba untuk setia

reff: yang selalu ku inginkan
yang selalu ku nanti
kau coba untuk mengerti
apalah arti mencinta

dan harus kau sadari
bila ingin bersamaku
jangan coba kau ingkari
cobalah untuk setia

masih kah aku diinginkan
masihkah aku di dambakan
masih ada waktu bersamamu
bersamamu akan kujalani hidup


Separuh Jiwaku Pergi
Memang indah semua
Tapi berakhir luka

Benar ku mencintaimu
Tapi tak begini
Kau khianati hati ini
Kau curangi aku

Kau bilang tak pernah bahagia
Selama dengan aku
Itu ucap bibirmu
Kau dustakan semua
Yang kita bina
Kau hancurkan semua

Friday, July 30, 2010

The heart is what matters the most.

When I’m in pieces again, you picked up the pieces and put it all together again. You fixed me. You make me smile and happy again. Muuahh :)
Looking back, if you went back and time and asked me where I think I would be right now, it would be nothing like reality. Everything can change so quickly and drastic that it scares me. But honestly, i’m so glad things are the way they are now. My whole life is different and I think it’s better. Even if it’s harder than what it use to be, I can honestly say it’s better. I’ve let go everyone I don’t need, and i’m being with ones who keep a smile on my face and keep me going. I’m nervous to see where my life is headed, but I couldn’t be more ready. God, bring it.
I love you, please stay for awhile. I love when you surprise me. I love when i’m feeling down and you pick me up. I love how when I’m with you I never stop laughing. I love how I can’t keep a smile off my face when I look in your eyes. I love how we talk forever about nothing. I love talking about the past, present, and future and learning more and more about you. I love the way I can’t stay mad at you. I love laying underneath the stars with you or looking off into the distance. I love how I know I can always turn to you. I love when you tickle me, eventhough I try to stop you, but i’m not strong enough so you keep doing it. I love how you will do anything to see me. I love how you see past my flaws and my mistakes. I love that you make me happy.
I love that you love me for me. <3

Today, we learn how to save our relationship..
i really love you and you love me too right? hehe
cian dye nanges nanges kan. heee. oppss! padan muke da bgtau semue org!

Let's go back !

Because love

I finally understood what true love mean.
Love meant that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.

Forgive and forget
Kau boleh huda! kau boleh !

I have many flaws, i'm not perfect..

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I'm bruised and scarred


He'll never know I want to run, I want to hide from all the pain he caused inside. I want to scream, I want to cry. Why can't I tell him goodbye? I want to move on, I just can't let go. I love him more than he will ever know. I want to start over, I want to feel free! but this pain will never leave me be. He hurt me bad, the pain is deep. How can i forget him? Leave the him behind? Erase the memories from my mind? He will never care, how i feel. Pain! Pain! go away ! go away! Please do not come back another day.

Tears falling down my face oh how I wish for his warm embrace. Wonder if he cares about me. wonder if this is suppose to be. How can he stand there and break my heart? How did we allow us to grow so far apart? My dreams of us being happy is not going to come true all i am feeling is down and blue. Pain pls go away bring me back to another day where he loved me and we thought we were meant to be. I will not stop loving you that much, is true but i will be stronger in time. You will always be in my heart even when we are apart.

One day i will have that warm embrace and tears will stop flowing down my face. pain pain go away leave me alone and do not stay. i cry i’m sitting on the porch wind blowing through my hair everyone around me laughs at me but i just can’t seem to care life goes on around me. i don’t participate i go through all the motions but what i really do is wait i dream about the day that you’ll come home to me nothing else is important. why can’t people see? i don’t want to go out, i don’t want to have fun, i don’t want to do a thing until all is said done they took you in the summer now fall is almost finished winter will be here very soon and then the year will have diminished you have no idea. how much i cry i never let you know! it’s so hard out here without you but i’m not allowed to let it show, i must pretend all is fine. everyone thinks all’s okay but what i never ever tell them is that i cry for you every day. i miss him i miss his arms around me,i miss when there was a we, he used to hold me and say i love you. he even has a new girl, but she makes me want to hurl. anymore, i hide inside, lock the door, he's pushed me to the side,i turn to the corner and cry, each day i almost die.

he don't care,he's not there,he's left me here, to dry my own tear.he told me, once, he would always be by my side, but now inside of me, i hide,he's run from me, but this event had a big possibility. guys run away, they come and go, but never stay, they get your hopes up, but only to tear you down, don't turn your back to them, don't turn around. many say,i'll never go away, but most never keep this,even though they promise.they love us for a while, then come back with a new style,they girls they date, we hate. i wish he'd wrap his arms around me again,put me back in heaven, but all he's doing is breaking my heart,and tearing me apart.i keep on crying, all the time, i'm dying,when will all this pain stop, when will i raise to the top? although we say we love flowers, yet we pick them like we picked each other, suddenly we both let go and now theres nothing left to discover. i'm letting go,just so you know, i think i'm okay now,i think i'm over you,'re gone,so i'm moving on, don't hold me back,i'm finally ready to pack.i'm saying good-bye, please don't ask why,i loved you, but now i'm over you, i still love you, i promise i do.

You cheated. why can't you love me the way you should? i know you could... instead my heartache is what your choosing. it's me that you are loosing. i hate what you've done to me, i was all that you ever wanted me to be, i'm not blind, i can see. i see your game, i'm not insane, you are hurting me. after everything i have done for you, everything i gave you, you turn around and cheat? all the times and memories we have spent together you even said we'd be forever. you made me sick, she is what you want to pick. you made me cry while you told a lie, you made me want to die. i knew i was right, you were out of my sight, you really ruined my life. how could you ask me to forgive you? how many times can i? you have lost my trust over what i call lust. you chose to hurt me it was a must. i hope your happy for what you did to me, right now your blind but soon you will see. how it used to be i remember how it used to be when nothing else matter. i miss you, i wish you could see although you are here, i miss you and me. i remember when you said how happy i made you and you really meant it. now, it's just a phrase you say without thinking. i miss those days when you'd call just to say "i miss you" or "i love you". the days it was so hard just to say good-bye for a while. i remember how wonderful it felt the first time you held me in your arms-and how after all those years you still made my heart melt. i miss the old you and the old me the old us that could just sit and talk for hours and never run out of things to say. i remember when time simply stood still- when in each other's arms is the only place we wanted to be forever. i miss us as i remember how it used to be. when nothing else matter but you and me. my good-bye letter for all the tears you made me cry. for all the lies you ever told, i hope you tell no more. for all the stress you put me through, i hope one day you feel it too. for all the days i just wanted to give up but hoped you would change, i hope the days you spend without me make you feel the same way. for all the heartache you have ever caused me, i hope your never heart hurts, i still deeply love you!

something you should know, i dont wanna smile if your smiling at me, i dont wanna live this life of mine if your not gonna live it with me. i dont wanna cry if your not there to wipe away the tears. i dont wanna see tommorow if your not right there with me. i dont wanna be with anyone else if its not gonna be you. Only you b.

Hope you will happy without me and more happy with her..
Thanks for everythings

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I'm not perfect for you..

Will you still love me even if I’m not perfect? Will you still love me even if I’m not the kind of person you wished I were? Will you still look into my eyes with warmth even if you saw my shadows? Will you still hold my hand even if you knew there will be times I’d let you down?
For though I yearn to take care of you as I should, though I desire to love you with a love that never falters and fades, my knees tremble this very moment that you hold me in your arms.
Shall I kiss you? Shall I hold your hand and bask in the light of your spirit knowing that I have my darkness, knowing there will be times that the light of my love will sometimes be overshadowed by the darkness that is in me?

Sometimes I’d be silent and I might bore you. I may not laugh at your jokes, and you may not understand the spell that’s enshrouding me. Sometimes I’d get troubled and I’d fail to put into words what the hell it is that troubles me. I wouldn’t be good company then, and I couldn’t make you smile. Sometimes I’d get moody and I might not enjoy the things you’d like us to do together. Sometimes I’d lose my temper and I’d no longer act like the fine person who stands before you today. Sometimes I’d get jealous and I might say things I don’t really mean. Sometimes I’d talk too much that I might drive you away. Sometimes I’d get touchy and I’d get easily hurt. And no matter how mature I try to be, at times I’d act in childish ways. I’d demand things I shouldn’t, I’d say things I shouldn’t say. And no matter how much I desire to protect you and make you happy, sometimes I’d be the one who’d cause you the most pain.

If you will love me I cannot promise you that I will not hurt you. I cannot promise you that I will not make you cry and that I’ll never break your heart. But if you will love me, I will bare my whole self naked before you, and I will reveal to you my soul. If you will love me, you can be certain that it is I that you will love, not a mask that fools you and gives you only what your eyes desire to see. If you will love me, you can be certain that you will love the depths of me, all of me that is in me, and I in turn will love you with all of me, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my spirit, with all my flaws and beauty, and with all my very heart.

I'm sorry sayang, I'm not perfect. I can only be me. I'm sorry sayang, I'm not perfect like the girl you want me to be. I'd give anything to make you happy. Even if it makes me sad. I'd never do anything to hurt you. I don't try to make you mad. Sometimes you get angry and we start to fight. Little do you know, I cry myself to sleep at night. I so scare to sleep coz I afraid you will leave me. I really really afraid to lost someone that I love again. It's too pain. Sometimes I don't know. Just what I did wrong. I don't understand. Why we don't get along. Everytime we fight. I wish you could feel my heart break.
Sometimes I wonder how much more my heart can take. Sometimes I get so angry, I don't know what to say. I feel just like a game that everyone wants to play. The only thing I need in this world is someone who is true. The only thing I need in this world be loved by you will all of your heart. I'm sorry, I'm not perfect for you :(

p.s i miss you b..

Do you still remember this sayang?

Awak ingat lagi tak mase-mase awak pujuk saya?
Saya merajuk dengan awak lebey kurang 5 bulan kan?

saya marah marah awak lepastu saya tinggalkan awak macam tu je.
Kejam kan saye ?

Saya lebih percayakan kata2 orang lain daripada kata2 awak.
Bodoh kan saye?

Awak terpakse batalkan segale plan awak mase first anniversary kite,
awak sanggup turun jb banyak kali semata2 nak jumpe saye tapi saye tetap tk nak jumpe awak.
Jahat kan saya?

Saya matikan fon, x pickup call awak, xreply text text awak & saya buat awak tertunggu tunggu panggilan dari saye.
saya memang tak de perasaan kan?

Awak tak berhenti pujuk saya kat ms, ym and fb tapi saya layan awak macam nak tak nak je kan.
keras kepala kan saya?

awak sanggup ketepikan kawan kawan awak demi saye tapi saye tak hargai awak langsung.
saye memang terlampau ego kan?

saya terima orang lain n buat awak sedih, jeles, sakit hati, kecewa & buat awk mcm org gila.
saye memang xde hati kan wak?

saya tau mesti awak dh pk yang saya dah tak sayang awak lagi kan?dah lupakan awak, dah buang awak dari hidup saya.
kan wak?..

Awak nak tau tak?
hanye Allah je yang tahu ape yang jadi pada saya mase tu..
Hanye DIA..
Mase tu saya memang terlampau rindukan awak!
yang saye mampu buat hanye tengok gambar2 awak, baca text2 yg awak bagi kat saye, tunggu awak online..
hee banyak lagi la saya buat.
yang lain tu malu nak cakap :P
Saya memang kuat jealous, sensitif & penakut !
Saya tak tahan tengok perempuan lain cuba rampas awak dari saya!
Bila semua tu dah berakhir, kita happy balik kan?
Hidup saye memang bahagia sangat sangat dengan awak mase tu.
Tapi kenapa sekejap je kan?
sekarang, perempuan tu nak rampas awak dari saya!
saya takut !
Saya dah tak nak jadi macam dulu lagi.
Terlampau sakit saya nak terima.
Bila saya ingat je sume bende ni saya tak bole tahan sebak dalam hati saya.
mula la saya nangis tibe tibe. Maaf memang saya kuat nangis!
Tu je care yg bole buat saye lepaskan segala-galanya.
Lembik kan saye ni. emm memang !
saya dah penat, letih, lemah!
Saya dah tak larat nak nangis lagi
Tapi awak kena ingat!
Saya percayakan awak !
Saya akan jaga hati awak walaupun hati saya sendiri yang sakit!
saya harap semuanya cepat berakhir.
Then kita bole happy balik kan sayang.

Saje je saye godeh msg2 kat fb saye & then terjumpe awak punye msg!
jealous gile kan awak time ni.
bertambah sayang saye kat awak !
hehe =D

banyak lagi actlly. tapi cukup la tunjuk yg tu je. kang ade org jeles, susa pulak saye.


Monday, July 26, 2010



Stupido dam dam !

and maafkan segale fitnah yang kau dah buat.
kau hargailah family kau sikit
dorg dah percaye kat kau 100% tapi kau tipu dorg bulat bulat
Act, aku memang terlampau geram kat kau !
macam nak shut2 je muke kau yang lawa sangat tu kan.
dari dulu memang tak puas ati je dengan aku .
aku tak tau ape yang kau nak sebenarnye
nak hancurkan aku? nak punahkan hidup aku?
tu yang kau nak kan? kau dendam sangat dengan aku kan?
cukup cukup la weyh.
just terime je hakikat.
kau tak payah la gune FB kaum2 kerabat kau tu add aku.
tu keje orang pengecut plus penakot!
okey dear:)
baik kau study jela, SPM pun da nak dekat tu.
Anyway, good luck =)

one day, i'll kick life's ass as it made my "life" a living hell !
Just do whatever you want. What go around, comes around.
Sometimes we gotta act as karma ourselves for a faster result :)
I'm sorry to have hurt you in ways that I didn't even know I did. aha
I only can give you flying kiss away and Goodbye foo !

Sunday, July 25, 2010

I smile on the outside too try and hide the sadness,

but really inside I just wish I can break down and cry.

you may see me smile you may see me laugh,

but under

all that I'm crying myself to sleep at night.

don't know what to do anymore,

nothing feels the same,

never see a smile in the mirror.

I only see pain,

pain beneath my soul,

so deep inside of me there is no escaping it.

No caming back to normal state of mind,

there's nothing i can do anyway .

All i can do is cry cry cry ,

all i can see is tears and only tears in my face.


Saturday, July 24, 2010

Je t'aime, Je t'adore

"Ujian dalam cinta itu bagaikan api yang membakar emas, kehadirannya malah menambah kemurniannya, membuang karat-karat yang melekat, dan menunjukkan kemilaunya yang sejati, maka dari itu, ketika ujian datang menerpa, bertahanlah, berpegang teguhlah pada cinta yang sejati, cinta yang telah diredhai Ilahi"

I should have been more trusting, and listened to my heart, cause you're the only thing I need and it's tearing me apart. You make me strong sayang,
So much i love you ;)

Friday, July 23, 2010

I hate false promises ! clearly.

If u can't do it just say NO. But eventually, little broken promises become bigger broken promises, and ultimately became promises that really mattered, that really hurt. Just let them think that it was okay. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I FEEL NOW. You make me cry again! damn shit! Believe that when you promises me something, i take it with all of my heart, because i cherish every word you say to me. My heart has had enough of broken promises! and i don't know if i can piece it back together after everything it had been through. so next time you think a little promise is nothing, understand it means much much more to me.

but after they are broken, sorry means nothing.

p.s I'm sorry..

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Little post

"My heart just only for you.
Always have and always will."

Everyone says love hurts, but that isn't true. Truth is, loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone has gotten these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

Someday you'd know it all, Mohamad Shafie B. Jauhari

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

White !


Sunday, July 18, 2010

I Love you so much

You know how much it hurts to know that you lost someone you love because that someone you love just recently love someone else. Excruciating pain isn't it? That right there you collapsed and your heart are broken into tiny little pieces and that you cry so hard because it hurts so bad and then you suffocate? He's your everything, he's your world, he's the love of your life, he's your forever, he's your funny. If you're going through all this or if you've gone through all this then you know how it feels. This is precisely what happened to me. My whole break down that I really feel like dying because i for one am not the kind of person that love or fall for someone that easily, clearly. So, it affected me badly. I know how you feel if you're feeling it too and I know you'd think that it won't get better or that no one understands you, but I do. All this shit that's happened to me made me realize i've forgotten who I am, love has made me forgotten who I am, he has made me forgotten who i am. Anythings i will do, only just for you. Only you :'(

And every night I pray to God that the things you say are true, because ''I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose you''. Truth be told, I miss you. It's rather odd to see myself like this over a guy. I guess he's not just some guy to me.We've known each other for almost a year now, but it only seems like yesterday. I remember talking to him on my land line for long hours. I remember how his face looks like when he sulk or when he's mad, charming as ever. I remember him being the guy making me smile right after he made me frown. How those little things he did once before made my day. I remember his voice and how he spoke to me. I remember his everyday word, his every touch and his every kiss. I remember every little details of him since we first met. That's legendary since my memory is always so wanky.I am the happiest when I'm with him. I always put him first before myself. Though we drift away I'm glad that we're once in love. I'm glad he was mine and I was his. Truth is though I hold the key to my heart, I'm always his.

To live is to do one thing a day that scares you and so I did, loving you that is.
I still love you though , always have and always will.

Saturday, July 17, 2010


" I dam dam dam miss you, my baby busyukk masyamm "

p.s I love you, muuuahh !

War a Life

Kolej Matrikulasi Pahang
(19 - 21 julai 2010)

English, 9am - 10am.
Economic, 2.30pm - 3.30pm.
Mathematics, 9am - 10am.
Account, 2.30pm - 3.30pm.
Business, 9am - 10am.
Home Sweet Home, 1pm :)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Not much to say

Will he love me for a very very long time?"
"Without a doubt"

"Should I call him now?"
"Most likely"

I'm getting better each day. I stopped caring.
I'm me again. I'm grateful. I deserve better. I deserve the best :)


One day you'll grow up and realize how ridiculous you are to abandon your precious self. Seek your quality, there's still time. It's just that sometimes your obsession, adoration and idolization creeps me out as you've went overboard, obviously. Grow up, you're despisable.
What goes around, comes around.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


Apparently I had fever attack right now. Damn this heat turns me red. Asyik demam je laa. Penat! Tekak pun gila punya sakit. It weakens me somehow. Ni mesti jangkit awak ni. grrr! Geramnye! Hee. I've been on medication for quite some time. The pills I've been taking gives me gastric but still I'm taking it because the pain is just unbearable. Other than that, I take other medications too for major headaches or when I fight with YOU maybe. haha :) Get well soon, Huda.

Anyway, tinggal seminggu je lagi nak balik jb. Tak saba tak saba! Naseb bole balik awal. Rindu semua ! Nak tido puas puas , nak makan puas puas! Homesick homesick. hee. Rindu kat buah hati I jugak! Tapi tapi tapi.. Hemmm ;(

Now I should have been sleeping.
Good Night -.-

p.s : abaikan tong sampah yang lawa tu. haha.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Sometimes Sweet

당신을 사랑합니다
Okey today terkejot berok bole. Hehe. Time time tga takde mood tu, ade je yang wat I tersenyum :) Sape lagi kan kalau bukan buah hati cinta I. Haha. Okey, dye ajak i TUNANG. Mula mula tu memang tak bape nak caye la kan. Then soh dye repeat ape yg dye cakap tadi. Ingat ngegade la kan nak guraw guraw. Tp mase tu bru i tau dye serious ! How perfectly sweet of him. Hee. Ciap nak cakap ngan mama dye lagi jumaat ni. Hee malunyaaa. Bagi chance la Kak Ryna ngan Along dulu ! Haha. Dye cakap "kalau dah ade ikatan, x dela orang ganggu kite lagi". Yup yup now memang macam gangguan yang datang menimpa kiteorang. Tapi kiteorg saling percaya. Tak mudah termakan dengan kata kata & pujuk rayu SI PYHCO! Kesian kan kau punye plan tak menjadi. haha. Ni la sikap orang yang selalu tak berpuas hati & suka mendengki. Ntah pape jek. Tak baek la hancurkan hubungan orang. Cuba awak yang rasa. mesti BAHAGIA kan? Apaa laaa :)


Every day, I have found more and more reasons to love him. Although life has brought some tough things to our door, we have learned through them that we are a great support for each other, and that together, we can get through anything. Just being open about everything makes an outstanding difference. We have created a vision together of how our lives will be further down the road, and although certain things may change, the most beautiful, important part of that vision will hold true, we will be together, supporting & loving each other, and building a family. We will have our own happily ever after. We will enjoy true love. So much I really really Love you, Sayang

Monday, July 5, 2010

Hate message

Can't stop thinking all about this.
so a big thank you, NOR FAZREENA BORHANNUDDIN !
But seriously you're wasting your time writing about my boyfriend and me.
How lame you are. Haha
come out and play with me foo !
Tak sangka pulak kau ni puaka gila, even kau dulu tu kawan aku.
layan baik bagai. sampah okey.
tapi masa aku ada problem ngan boy aku taon lepas,
bagus sangat amek kesempatan.
sampai sekarang tak puas puas kacau hidup aku, sakit kan hati aku.
kau pikir aku percaya? pffftt !
bangga tak nama kau TERUS ada kat blog aku ni.
haha famous tu nama kena sebut. Sheesh !
okey, come, face to face with me :)
Aku Tunggu.